Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
