Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize