Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
