No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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