There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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