You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
