Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize