if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
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