it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
