How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
