We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize