Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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