Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
