Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
