if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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