I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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