hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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