Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
