yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
