and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
