If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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