Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
