if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
