I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
