Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
