friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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