You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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