holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
