I just pynch a tree in the face
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
