You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
