I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
