I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
