i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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