I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
