I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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