The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
