dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
