why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
