How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
