he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I will pee on everything he values.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
