she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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