Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
