Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
