12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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