if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just saw a hot homeless man
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
