i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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