Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
