apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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