I just saw a hot homeless man
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
