thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
