Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
