The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
