In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
