remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
