I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
