just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
