I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
