I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
