He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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