the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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