Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
