I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
