how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize