I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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