someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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