I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
