I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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