I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
