Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
