I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
