So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
