Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
