ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
